Ask Hammurobbie!

Hammurobbie was the ruler of ancient Babylon WAYYYY back in the day. He wrote a set of laws called Hammurobbie's Code that imposed some rather harsh punishments for individuals convicted of various crimes. Through a special arrangement with the people from marilyncarolyn.com, the great Hammurobbie is now able to settle any disputes you may have with your fellow citizens.

Please forward all questions to: hammurobbie@marilyncarolyn.com

Dear Hammurobbie: I was sent off to war and captured by the enemy, and my wife decided not to wait for me to return and went off with some other guy. Now that I have returned, I would like to have her punished fiercely. Am I in the right here or what?
Mr. Richard Fader, Ft. Lee, NJ

Dear Richard: Unfortunately, if any one be captured in war and there is not sustenance in his house, if then his wife go to another house this woman shall be held blameless. You should have gone to Costco and stocked up your pantry before you were captured!
The Great and Wise Hammurobbie

Dear Hammurobbie: My house caught on fire last week, and my neighbor rushed in to help us. Now I notice that both my TV and toaster are missing! Do I have any recourse here or what?
B. L. ZeBub--Tenth Circle of Hell

Dear B.L.: It looks like you are in luck. According to code twenty-five, if fire break out in a house, and some one who comes to put it out cast his eye upon the property of the owner of the house, and take the property of the master of the house, he shall be thrown into that self-same fire. Please light your house on fire again and throw the transgressor into it!
Hammurobbie, The Master of Disaster

Dear Hammurobbie: I took over a waste-lying field from the owner, but slacked off and never made it arable. Can I just leave this field without paying anything back to the owner or what?
Cheech N. Chong--Hollyweird, CA

Dear Cheech: If any one take over a waste-lying field to make it arable, but is lazy, and does not make it arable, he shall plow the fallow field in the fourth year, harrow it and till it, and give it back to its owner, and for each ten gan, ten gur of grain shall be paid. Looks like you've got your work cut out for you, bub!
The Mellow and Wicked Hammurobbie