« Home | Iraq To Be Split Into Thirds; Citizens Told To Choose Sides » | ABC Cancels "Lost" After Entire Audience Gives Up On Series » | Socially Conscious Man Assembles His Own iPods In The Garage » | Local Man Spends Day Off Online Waiting For Direct Deposit To Post To Account » | Why Isn't The Government Telling Us More About DHMO? » | Oprah "One Step Closer" To Monopolizing Every Spare Second Of Our Day » | Ozzy Osbourne Announces Retirement In Wake Of Chavez's Comments To U.N. » | Cronkite Longs To Hear The "Clattering Of Typewriters" During Newscasts Once Again » | New Rod Stewart CD Features Cover Versions Of His Own Songs » | Dancing With The Stars Uses The Term "Stars" Loosely »

More Links To Stories Containing Actual Humor Will Magically Appear Below:

North Korean Nuke Test Worries Bush

Washington, DC--Today's announcement that North Korea has successfully tested one of their nuclear weapons has prompted George Bush to question when we last tested our own.

"I remember seeing those films in high school science with the mushroom clouds and the melting trees, but they were in black and white," noted Bush.

"We haven't had black and white for years!"

"I know we dropped a couple of 'em on the Japs during dubya dubya two and they sure worked, but that was way back in the '70s when I was still boozing it up," added the president. "Maybe we need to make sure that they haven't gone all gone bad by now."

President Bush's military advisor, Marshall Islands, was quick to assure the president that our nuclear weapons were kept in a constant state of readiness and that he could count on them to protect the United States in the event of attack.

"We might have a couple duds in the bunch," said Islands, "but it is not like we need to go around tapping the warheads with ball-peen hammers to make sure they are still operational."

Still, President Bush is suggesting that we "drop one or two of those nukeuler deals somewhere just to make sure that North Korea knows we still mean business."

"Maybe a couple could accidentally fall out of a plane over Pyongyang or something. 'Cause I remember hearing about nuclear fallout back at Yale--we could just blame the whole thing on that!"