Oprah "One Step Closer" To Monopolizing Every Spare Second Of Our Day
Chicago, IL--Oprah Winfrey, a true leviathan of the entertainment industry, has come one step closer to realizing her dream of inundating the public with non-stop 24/7 Oprah-generated content.
In a last-minute press conference, Oprah announced yesterday that she was debuting a new cable channel that would feature a live feed transmitted directly from her bedroom that will mainly show images of her sleeping peacefully through the night.
The new channel, tentatively titled "Oprah: Zzzzzzzz," joins the recently announced "Oprah & Friends" program on XM satellite radio, Oprah's "O" magazine, and her long-running daytime talk show on network TV.
"Oprah: Zzzzzzzz" will focus solely on Oprah's nightly choice of sleepwear, midnight snacks, and the assortment of stuffed animals (and the occasional on-again, off-again boyfriends) that share her bed every evening.
"We're not going to show any dirty stuff or anything," says Oprah, "because, frankly, there isn't much to show. I just thought that many of my viewers would feel better knowing where I was at all times."
"Besides," added Winfrey, "my tight schedule only allows for 30-45 minutes of sleep every night. The rest of the programming on the channel will be comprised of a designer-colored test pattern with the 'Harpo Productions' logo on it."
"If my fans complain, I'll just mail 'em all new iPods or something. That will shut them up quick!"
In a last-minute press conference, Oprah announced yesterday that she was debuting a new cable channel that would feature a live feed transmitted directly from her bedroom that will mainly show images of her sleeping peacefully through the night.
The new channel, tentatively titled "Oprah: Zzzzzzzz," joins the recently announced "Oprah & Friends" program on XM satellite radio, Oprah's "O" magazine, and her long-running daytime talk show on network TV.
"Oprah: Zzzzzzzz" will focus solely on Oprah's nightly choice of sleepwear, midnight snacks, and the assortment of stuffed animals (and the occasional on-again, off-again boyfriends) that share her bed every evening.
"We're not going to show any dirty stuff or anything," says Oprah, "because, frankly, there isn't much to show. I just thought that many of my viewers would feel better knowing where I was at all times."
"Besides," added Winfrey, "my tight schedule only allows for 30-45 minutes of sleep every night. The rest of the programming on the channel will be comprised of a designer-colored test pattern with the 'Harpo Productions' logo on it."
"If my fans complain, I'll just mail 'em all new iPods or something. That will shut them up quick!"
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