Local Paperboy Latest Victim Of Apple's Relentless Efforts To Make Us All Feel Foolish
Royal Oak, MI--After saving up money all summer from his paper route, little 12-year-old Timothy Tuttle was crestfallen to learn today that Apple had just released a smaller and sexier version of the diminutive iPod Shuffle music player that he recently purchased with his meager profits.
"Steve Jobs is a jerk and I hate his guts," said the dejected paperboy. "All my friends at school are going to laugh at me when they see me carrying around this huge thing in my pocket."
"It is just like the time my mom made me wear that sweater with those stupid reindeers on it to school last year just 'cause grandma died making it."
In a gala media event on Tuesday, Apple unveiled the latest version of the entry-level iPod Shuffle, featuring a form factor half the size of the original, now encased in a shiny brushed aluminum shell that includes a built-in clip.
"They just had to twist the knife and knock twenty bucks off the price as well," said Tuttle. "Do you know how many times I had to get chased down the street by the Fergusen's Rottweiler to make that last twenty dollars?"
To add insult to injury, Timothy's parents did not believe him yesterday when he told them that a bully beat him up on the way home from school and took his iPod.
"I think he hoped that we would feel sorry for him and buy him the new version," said Timothy's father Ron.
"Really, I can't blame him. Who would want that thing now," said the elder Tuttle. "It looks positively massive compared to the new one."
"I figure he just tossed the thing in the bushes on the way to school or something. It is pretty much useless to him now anyway, since he hates music and just bought it to impress his friends."
"Guess this is just one of those life lessons that he will have to learn the hard way," concluded Mr. Tuttle.
"Steve Jobs is a jerk and I hate his guts," said the dejected paperboy. "All my friends at school are going to laugh at me when they see me carrying around this huge thing in my pocket."
"It is just like the time my mom made me wear that sweater with those stupid reindeers on it to school last year just 'cause grandma died making it."
In a gala media event on Tuesday, Apple unveiled the latest version of the entry-level iPod Shuffle, featuring a form factor half the size of the original, now encased in a shiny brushed aluminum shell that includes a built-in clip.
"They just had to twist the knife and knock twenty bucks off the price as well," said Tuttle. "Do you know how many times I had to get chased down the street by the Fergusen's Rottweiler to make that last twenty dollars?"
To add insult to injury, Timothy's parents did not believe him yesterday when he told them that a bully beat him up on the way home from school and took his iPod.
"I think he hoped that we would feel sorry for him and buy him the new version," said Timothy's father Ron.
"Really, I can't blame him. Who would want that thing now," said the elder Tuttle. "It looks positively massive compared to the new one."
"I figure he just tossed the thing in the bushes on the way to school or something. It is pretty much useless to him now anyway, since he hates music and just bought it to impress his friends."
"Guess this is just one of those life lessons that he will have to learn the hard way," concluded Mr. Tuttle.
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