Bush Continues To Claim Iraqi Involvement In 7/11
Washington, DC--In a recent White House press conference, President Bush attempted to silence his detractors by holding fast to the position that Iraqis were somehow involved in events related to 7/11.
"Everytime I make my limo driver Stan stop at a 7/11 to pick me up an Extreme Big Gulp and some lottery tickets, I see some Iraqi-looking guy behind the counter," claimed President Bush.
"I am not saying that these clerks are necessarily involved in any of the high-level planning that goes on at the stores, but they definitely play a role."
Bush also stated that he would continue to investigate the connection between Iraqis and 7/11, even if it meant that he had to "drain the whole damn Slurpee machine himself" to find the answers for which he was searching.
"A few years back, you only saw Hindus or Koreans behind the counters of these stores. But now that the face of 7/11 seems to be changing, I think it is up to every American to stay vigilant whenever they purchase their money orders or those horoscopes-in-a-tube from these establishments," said Bush.
In addition, Bush pledged to add 7/11 clerks to the Accents of Evil, explaining that he "can never seem to understand a damn thing those guys are sayin' when they ring me up."
"Everytime I make my limo driver Stan stop at a 7/11 to pick me up an Extreme Big Gulp and some lottery tickets, I see some Iraqi-looking guy behind the counter," claimed President Bush.
"I am not saying that these clerks are necessarily involved in any of the high-level planning that goes on at the stores, but they definitely play a role."
Bush also stated that he would continue to investigate the connection between Iraqis and 7/11, even if it meant that he had to "drain the whole damn Slurpee machine himself" to find the answers for which he was searching.
"A few years back, you only saw Hindus or Koreans behind the counters of these stores. But now that the face of 7/11 seems to be changing, I think it is up to every American to stay vigilant whenever they purchase their money orders or those horoscopes-in-a-tube from these establishments," said Bush.
In addition, Bush pledged to add 7/11 clerks to the Accents of Evil, explaining that he "can never seem to understand a damn thing those guys are sayin' when they ring me up."
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