« Home | Apple Spokesperson: "No 6th Generation iPod--Not Now, Not Ever" » | Latest Photo Of The "iPod Killer" Leaked To The Internets » | Marine Corps Recalls Last Remaining WW2 Vets Back To The Battlefield » | John Mark Karr Thanks The U.S. Government For The Free Trip Home » | QVC Rolls Out Shop-By-Remote Service: America, Has It Really Come To This? » | Snake Flick Already Number One At The Box Office » | Ghost Of "Marley" The Dog Returns To Choke His Owners » | An Editorial From Planet Pluto: "The Solar System Won't Be The Same Without Me" » | Altered Version Of Popular '70s Shampoo Flying Off Shelves In Islamabad » | North Korea Claiming Capture Of U.S. Sub »

More Links To Stories Containing Actual Humor Will Magically Appear Below:

Were The Elephant Man's Bones Incinerated In Neverland Blaze?

Santa Ynez, CA--A raging 40-acre wildfire in Northern California on Friday set a few outbuildings ablaze on Michael Jackson's "Neverland" ranch property, including a structure that may have contained the bones of Joseph Merrick.

Merrick, better known as the Elephant Man, was a circus sideshow attraction who lived in Victorian era Britain. He suffered from Proteus syndrome, which left him severly deformed and unable to work or care for himself throughout most of his short, painful life.

A Santa Barbara county fire captain discovered the charred bones inside a burlap sack, which reportedly had a stamp on it identifying them as the property of the Royal London Hospital. At first, officials were concerned that somebody had perished in the flames, but all staff members were accounted for as of yesterday.

No further details of this story were available at press time. Mr. Jackson is currently in Bahrain, and could not be reached for comment.

Furthermore, he has steadfastly denied ever having any interest in owning the bones of Joseph Merrick, even though a written offer of one million dollars was submitted by him for the Elephant Man's skeleton almost two decades ago. This original report also stated that Mr. Jackson's offer was denied numerous times by the owner of the remains.

The popular singer has always said that he could "relate" to the way Merrick was treated by the rest of society, and that he saw a lot of parallels between his life and Merrick's.