Wave Of "Lohanitis" Sweeps Across America
Saginaw, MI--Taking their cue from "Mean Girls" actress Lindsay Lohan, millions of ordinary Americans have been calling in sick to work, blaming their absence on a case of "Lohanitis."
Last week, the popular actress was publicly reprimanded by producer James G. Robinson, saying that Lohan, who claimed exhaustion and dehydration, was really just suffering from a case of "all-night heavy partying" when she failed to show up for work the other morning.
Saginaw Steering Gear shift #2 worker Carole Garvin spend last Wednesday at home as well, suffering from a sudden onset of Lohanitis. "First I felt overheated, and then I felt constricted," said Garvin. "I thought it would be best if I stayed home, rather than risk exposing my co-workers to active Lohanitis as well."
Garvin's boss, Mark Rotenberg, was pretty sure that Carole "just didn't feel like coming in today." Nevertheless, he admits this isn't nearly as bad as the time when Dave Chappelle left his job mid-season and went to Africa.
"You wouldn't believe how many of my workers walked off the job in the middle of the day and went on their own pilgrimage to White's Bar down the street when that news hit the factory," said Rotenberg.
Last week, the popular actress was publicly reprimanded by producer James G. Robinson, saying that Lohan, who claimed exhaustion and dehydration, was really just suffering from a case of "all-night heavy partying" when she failed to show up for work the other morning.
Saginaw Steering Gear shift #2 worker Carole Garvin spend last Wednesday at home as well, suffering from a sudden onset of Lohanitis. "First I felt overheated, and then I felt constricted," said Garvin. "I thought it would be best if I stayed home, rather than risk exposing my co-workers to active Lohanitis as well."
Garvin's boss, Mark Rotenberg, was pretty sure that Carole "just didn't feel like coming in today." Nevertheless, he admits this isn't nearly as bad as the time when Dave Chappelle left his job mid-season and went to Africa.
"You wouldn't believe how many of my workers walked off the job in the middle of the day and went on their own pilgrimage to White's Bar down the street when that news hit the factory," said Rotenberg.
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