Cryptic Pleas For Help Found Inside iPod Boxes Trigger Investigation
“I picked up a 30 gig video player over the weekend, and found a strange note inside the box,” said local tuxedo salesman Billy Byers. “Fortunately, this dude at work reads Chinese, and he told me the note was basically a desperate cry for mercy from an overworked factory laborer.” Byers also added that “during prom season, we sometimes have to put in ten hour days and stay open weekends to accept returns, so I can relate to what they are going through.”
When the human rights advocates arrived on site in China, they were given an all-access pass to nearly five percent of the factory, including a day-care center and a communal bathing facility. “We didn’t actually see any workers during our visit because they were all sequestered in the basement with the lights off, but the kids sure looked like they were having fun in the nursery,” said lead investigator C. Noevelle.
Plant manager Deng Xiopung did provide sworn statements from factory workers claiming that they were being treated fairly. “We rarely have to work more that nine days in a row, and we really enjoy the convenience of living in the company-provided dormitory,” explained one worker, “even though we are forced to live there, and have to fork over half our salaries for the privilege.”
As they were getting ready to leave the factory grounds, investigators overheard the foreman shout out an uplifting message to his workers: "OK, back to work now you worthless dogs! Your more-than-generous four minute weekly break is over. These Nanos aren’t going to assemble themselves!"

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