CIA Gives Up The Hunt For Osama
Arlington, VA--After five years of searching for terrorist mastermind Osama bin Laden, the director of the CIA has concluded that "he hides too good," and as a result has called all of his operatives back to Washington.
"We have cried 'come out, come out wherever you are' numerous times, in English and in Arabic, but this guy just won't play fair," said CIA Director Hunt S. Finito in a recent press conference.
"If you remember back when we were young, there was always one kid on every block who was so good at hiding, that you eventually just gave up looking for him. Well, Osama bin Laden is like that kid."
Finito also stated that the CIA was "pretty sure" that the al-Qaeda leader was hiding somewhere along the common border of Pakistan and Afghanistan. Although, added Finito, "we haven't ruled out Kryzjkistan, or one of those other 'stans--aww, hell, we just give up, OK?"
The CIA instead plans to focus their resources from this point on toward recapturing Saddam Hussein, who put on a fresh suit and walked out of court undetected last Friday. Hussein, who was on trial for murdering half of his country, apparently told a prison guard that he left his car double-parked outside the courtroom, and that he would be right back in just a minute or two.
"We have cried 'come out, come out wherever you are' numerous times, in English and in Arabic, but this guy just won't play fair," said CIA Director Hunt S. Finito in a recent press conference.
"If you remember back when we were young, there was always one kid on every block who was so good at hiding, that you eventually just gave up looking for him. Well, Osama bin Laden is like that kid."
Finito also stated that the CIA was "pretty sure" that the al-Qaeda leader was hiding somewhere along the common border of Pakistan and Afghanistan. Although, added Finito, "we haven't ruled out Kryzjkistan, or one of those other 'stans--aww, hell, we just give up, OK?"
The CIA instead plans to focus their resources from this point on toward recapturing Saddam Hussein, who put on a fresh suit and walked out of court undetected last Friday. Hussein, who was on trial for murdering half of his country, apparently told a prison guard that he left his car double-parked outside the courtroom, and that he would be right back in just a minute or two.
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